Please Stop Inventing. Your Ideas Suck.

10. The flatulence deodorizer. The present invention discloses a pad to be worn for absorbing gas due to flatulence.

9. Method and device for recognition of a collision with a pedestrian. This patent, which uses sensors in the car’s bumper and engine hood, claims to be able to decide “with a high reliability” if that thing you hit was a pedestrian!

8. Animal ear protectors. This invention provides a device for protecting the ears of animals, especially long-haired dogs, from becoming soiled by the animal’s food while the animal is eating.

Oh, there’s more…

7. Jet powered surfboard.

6. System for magnetically attaching templeless eyewear to a person.

5. Method of exercising a cat. This invention consists of directing a beam of invisible light onto the floor or wall then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats.

4. Method of swinging on a swing.

3. Apparatus for simulating a “High Five”. The Apparatus for Simulating a “High Five” was filed by an inventor named Albert Cohen, in an apparent attempt to make the most depressing device in history.

2. User-operated amusement apparatus for kicking the user’s buttocks. An amusement apparatus including a user-operated and controlled apparatus for self-infliction of repetitive blows to the user’s buttocks by a plurality of elongated arms bearing flexible extensions that rotate under the user’s control.

1. Animal toy. An apparatus for use as a toy by an animal, for example a dog, to either fetch carry or chew includes a main section with at least one protrusion extending therefrom that resembles a branch in appearance.


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