For the cubically oppressed.
Archives for the month of: September, 2009
Antelope Canyon is at once one of the most breathtaking and tranquil places on earth. Gently carved from the Navajo sandstone over the course of countless millenniums, the slot canyons are majestic and narrow passages, just enough space for a small group to walk the sandy floor – and for the occasional shafts of sunlight to shine down from above.
The Navajo name for Upper Antelope Canyon is Tse’ bighanilini, which means “the place where water runs through rocks.” Upper Antelope is at about 4,000 feet elevation and the canyon walls rise 120 feet above the streambed.
It’
from dontevenreply.com
From Me to *************@*********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole.
I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by?
-Dan
From Brittany ********* to Me
Hi Dan! Thanks for the quick response. Sounds good! I will forward this e-mail to my husband and he’ll get back to you ASAP.
Thanks!
Brit
From Bryan ********* to Me
Dan,
My wife sent me your email, but I don’t think she actually read/understood what you wrote. If you are serious, then we don’t need your help. I hope that isn’t how you actually repair things. Regardless, I will tell my wife to actually read the emails before sending them to me.
Regards,
Bryan
From Me to Bryan **********
Good afternoon Brian,
Your wife doesn’t sound too smart. I was going to recommend Hooked on Phonics, but she seems to be capable of writing. I think she just does not have the ability to comprehend what she is reading. I have a cousin who is “slow”, and there is this really good remedial school in Philly that he went to. They offer some classes that help with reading comprehension. If you want, I can look up the school and send the information to your wife.
- Dan
From Bryan ********* to Me
Heh heh, that might be just what she needs…
From Me to Bryan **********
CC: Brittany *********
Great! I’m forwarding our conversation to your wife, along with the school information.
The name of the school is “Smithbridge School for Special People,” and you can call them at (***)-***-2195.
From Bryan ********* to Me
Oh boy…please don’t…
From Brittany ********* to Me
What a jerk you are. Excuse me for being busy and quickly browsing through your letter. Go to hell!
From Me to Brittany *********
Brit, you should really consider this school. It might not seem like it, but they actually can help you. It did wonders for my cousin. He used to just stay at home with his aunt all day, but now he has a great job at McDonalds. Please, just give them a call.
-Dan
from dontevenreply.com
“The following post is a set of e-mails from me actually trying to sell my TV. I guess I was asking too much for it.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
hey will you take $700 for it
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can’t wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
seriously?
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Yes. 20 shots and its yours.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
uhh no. hows $750 sound
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I’ll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can’t watch either.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off dude
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
Tell you what, I’ll sell it to you for $900 and you won’t have to do any of that stuff.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
wtf your ad said $850
From Me to ************@yahoo.com
I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I’ll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head.
From ************@yahoo.com to Me
fuck off
From **************@comcast.net to Me
A TV like that goes for $699 brand new at Best Buy. I’ll give you $400 for it?
From Me to **************@comcast.net
For $400, I will cut the TV in half with a sawzall and give you half of it. Which half would you like? The left half has all of the HDMI inputs, and the right half has the power/channel/input buttons.
From **************@comcast.net to Me
I guess I’m going to Best Buy…
From Me to **************@comcast.net
WAIT! Before you go to Best Buy, consider my new offer:
I’ll sell you the TV for my new low price of $800. Also, I was planning on leaving it on a paused frame of gay porn all weekend so it would be burned into the screen, but I won’t do this if you accept my offer within the next 10 minutes.
From cory ***** to Me
ill give you $600 cash for your tv
From Me to cory *****
Sounds good! When can you come get it?
From cory ***** to Me
where do you live?
From Me to cory *****
**** *******
From cory ***** to Me
well ya i know that but like whats your address
From Me to cory *****
I’m not telling you that. Sorry, but I just don’t trust people from the internet.
From cory ***** to Me
well do you want to deliver it to my place?
From Me to cory *****
And get kidnapped? I don’t think so.
Here’s how it is going down: We’ll meet Sunday afternoon in a crowded part of town. Lets say High St, by the courthouse. I’ll be walking towards Market St and you’ll be walking away from it at precisely 1:00 (when the courthouse clock goes off.) Have a black suitcase ready with $600 in unmarked, non-sequential US twenty-dollar bills. I’ll have a suitcase as well, and be wearing a black suit. Tell me what you plan on wearing. We will accidentally bump into each other, drop our suitcases, and pick up the other person’s suitcase and continue walking. The suitcase you pick up will have a key inside it to a 1998 Ford Econoline that will be parked on Miner Street. Use the key to open the back of the van, which will have the TV inside of it. Take the TV, and leave the key in the van. You will be watched so don’t try anything funny. If the suitcase does not have $600 in it, the van will be destroyed.
Does this work for you?
From cory ***** to Me
no wtf
From Me to cory *****
why not?”
Here are some great passive-aggressive notes. Enjoy!
Back in the day, he won World Idol. He completely deserved it. Here he’s singing “With Or Without You” by U2. (He’s the blonde with the gap between his teeth.) and Hallelujiah. Every time he opens his mouth I’m surprised. A voice like this brings tears to my eyes.
You’ll have to watch this one on youtube.
